Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
