I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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