Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
