I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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