HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Everclear isn't food dammit
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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