HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
