I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
