I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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