i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
