i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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