Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
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