im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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