$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
