Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
