I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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