Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
