Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
