Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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