she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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