why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
