my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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