I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He felt like a one man threesome
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
