Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
