There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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