CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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