Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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