We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
