I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
