Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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