sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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