Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
