I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
