Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
