thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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