is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Are we still banned from the library?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
