No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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