Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
