I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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