Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
