Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
