I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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