dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
