Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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