since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
