i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
