ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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