There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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