You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
