it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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