dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
