Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
