Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
