You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
